Void
Subtract everything…emotions, attachments, relations, desires, and thoughts. Let there be Soul.
What defines us? Is it the body, the mind, the thoughts or the emotions. Or is there anything that can really define us? In terms of circular logic, we are what we are. However, there is so much that clouds our understanding: Thoughts make brush strokes on an empty canvas of our brain and Emotions add colours. The self becomes a modern art painting with subjective perception. Every acquaintance perceived us differently. Even us. More colours, more brushstrokes and it became incomprehensible. As a child, people could understand us just like a simple drawing. There were only 12 colours. Anger was red, peace was blue. But too many brushstrokes appeared by our teens. Emotions fired with an exponential combination of colours. Our friends, who have gone through similar brushstrokes, understood us a little better. Still, after a certain age, even they couldn’t take it. Living with a spouse, after a long time, could have made them understand. However, this article is not about how to make others understand us. It's about the self whose inner eyes become frail and clouded in its own light. Some people started seeing themselves as the average perception of their environment. Some hardened themselves, not to be drawn over. Some continued to search…
The Canvas
Like the others, I was innocent and naive as a child. Maybe for a little longer time than the others. Growing up, I had had to transform myself to something complex. In my family, simplicity was frowned upon as weakness. Being sly was celebrated as the way of life to balance the odds against the unfair World.
Brush stroke by brush stroke each thought painted a new being that desired to be another.
Build the physical strength to fight the World (when needed), learn the most profitable monetary trait to earn a living, lookout for thugs, take benefit out of others before they do the same to you, be selfish, only blood relationships are real, only friends that have profitable worth are important. The impermanence of these etchings resulted in unfulfilled and confused desires. A rift was formed between the canvas and the paint. I tried to break free from the shackles of the colored paint.
A new kind of freedom
Take a deep breath, slow your thoughts and slow the time pace. Its possible, time doesn’t move in seconds. Its perception is completely situational. For e.g. amusing situations move faster than the painful ones. When both the thoughts and the time have stopped still. At the center of it all. When all is gone, “what is”, is the true self. For everyone it will be different, for me its this white fire in a void or is it the void itself? Not sure. In simple words, I exist, independent of any conscious thought.
“I exist”, is more than just a thought. Its the only personal truth that’s unchangeable, no matter what, who or when, the situation is.
Try this: Think of the Earth, then the Solar System, then the Galaxy, then the Supercluster, then the galaxy filaments, then the large quasar groups, and then the whole Universe. Keep thinking till you reach the limit and overfill your head. In an instant, subtract it all. Empty yourself. Did you see? The end of thoughts and sensations. The beginning of minimum viable consciousness.
Art of Subtraction
In an earlier article, delta was introduced, a way to add slight variations (noises) to make hallucinations in Real World. Subtraction is the opposite and a bit harder. E.g. adding an image of an Elephant happens automatically but subtracting this thought, just by telling your mind is impossible. One possible solution is to fill your head up-to the brim with thoughts. When you cannot add anymore thoughts, let it go. Like a river dam, but faster, it will throw every thought out. These are good methods but are not enough. Sometimes the dark room has no door knob.
Elemental Soul
I grew up in India. Winters, with just an extra set of layer, were tolerable and fun. However, summers were insufferable, especially when we had long power cuts in my city. In order to achieve any kind of sleep, I used to do the opposite. I will add a layer of sheet over my body, get all sweaty and all. Then, when I removed that sheet, at least for 5–10 minutes I would feel the blissful cold sensation from the wind or/and evaporation. Enough for a kid to sleep, I had a cool trick up my sleeve.
Lately, its been kind of the same. I have been going through an emotional turmoil from my family and as is common, life hits you harder when you have no supporting back-wall. It was a suffocating situation just like the summer heat with no solution. In the same manner, I pushed further by letting go of my hindrance and let absolute sadness take over. It was like playing with fire. Either I would be burnt forever or the ashes will pave the way out. When all was lost and done, a small part of me retaliated automatically. As if I needed complete darkness to find that little source of light. Taking that feeling, a hopeful light in my hands, I forced the thought to take over and opened the door. There it was, just like a Patronus, the elemental soul. Once you observe it, hold it forever, don’t ever let go.
Conclusion
Void, Minimum Viable Consciousness, Subtraction, Elemental Soul. This article tried to see through utter darkness to find the basic light, a canvas, that we all started with. And slowly, by choice or by force, kept repainting or searching hope in the outside world.
